What I Believe

I believe in the power of a single idea. A single good idea, anyway. Frankly, there’s just not a lot of power in a single bad idea, like scheduling “Bat Day” when the Red Sox play at Yankee Stadium. I believe in long, slow downloads that last 3 days. I believe in the designated driver, the fungo bat, and keeping words like gazebo and zamboni around just because they’re fun to say. I believe in naps but not Napster. I believe in clicking Save Document three times just to be safe, and believe in stick versus spray. I believe in waiting for "Best Of" albums and that most outtakes are better than the actual show. I believe that marriage is forever, and the best deals are ones that involve a word and a handshake. I believe in leading versus managing, and in showing versus telling. I believe that the hardest thing in life is rigorous, regular exercise, which is the reason most people won’t do it. I believe in locking out athletes when their salaries get too high, and punishing insider traders. I believe you’re smart if you observe differences among humanities’ races, but stupid if you think any race is better than another. I believe in snow days, and believe you’re either pro life or pro death. I believe in getting rich slow and in taking longcuts on the road to happiness. I believe in closed floor plans, that Alex is a boys name, and that Cliff Clavin was right – comfortable socks are one of the most important things in life. I believe in coupons, and that there’s a difference between being “For Sale” and “On Sale.”

I believe it is harder to make someone laugh than to make someone think. I believe in Bass over Treble, in the Arabic number system, and wish Metric would just go away. I believe I.T. DOES matter (but not for the reasons IT people think it does) and that ultimately, people don’t want drills, they want holes. I believe that RONI is just as important as ROI, and that you don’t need followers to be a leader. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt, and that it is far superior to love someone than to tolerate them. I believe fortune cookies (when they say something I like), and think they’re a waste of wonton when they don’t. And I believe the best video game of all time was GORF. I believe in big desks and warm slippers, and that you can’t be truly happy until you can stay home with your family on a Saturday night and not feel like you’re “missing” anything.

I believe that abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. I believe Subway needs to put more meat on their sandwiches. I believe in Letterman versus Leno, Aerosmith versus Rolling Stones, Bugs versus Daffy, and Seinfeld versus Hawkeye. I believe quality time is a lame excuse for quantity time, and boxer briefs have trumped both boxers and briefs. I believe in personal freedom and personal responsibility; if you want to have a high-risk lifestyle – go for it! Just don’t ask others to pay for it. I believe that creativity is a direct gift from the Creator, and just like some people shouldn’t be singing in public, some people shouldn’t be writing in public either. I believe one of the great joys in life is quoting yourself on occasion, and I believe if you’ve got a problem with red meat, just cook it more. I believe the pen is mightier than the pencil, (unless it’s one of those NASA pencils that is made out of titanium and can write upside down) and just like our flag - you can’t create America without both Red and Blue. I believe I’ve said enough.