China Sponsors White House Egg Roll
In yet another indication of the nation’s deteriorating economic condition, this morning administration officials announced that naming rights for the White House’s Annual Easter Egg Roll have been purchased by the People’s Republic of China for $235 Billion AND Paula Abdul’s seat on Fox’s #1 reality TV show “American Idol.” Holding over $750 Billion in U.S. debt, China has become increasingly concerned that the American economy has become, “A basket case,” prompting Beijing officials to make the proactive decision to exchange their financial exposure for some media exposure.
Based on early information from the China Cabinet (which is seldom used and mostly for show), the new event will be rebranded the “Far Easter Egg Hunt” and will feature traditional Chinese events including the Egg Roll, Spring Roll, and the recently unveiled Egg Drop from atop the Washington Monument. To ensure equality and consistency, all eggs for this event will be secretly imported from General Tso’s chicken located in China’s remote Szechuan Province. In addition, regulators from the U.S. Treasury Department have been briefed to ensure that all eggs are first “Stress Tested,” and any egg determined to be “Too Big to Fail” will be disqualified.
As is customary, the event will be limited to children under the age of 10. However, with Chinese Olympic officials responsible for documenting the age of participants, word has already gotten out that executives from several prominent companies are planning on attending. According to inside sources, the Egg Toss competition will be limited to a four-person scramble pitting AIG vs. GM, and Freddie Mac versus his brother Bernie, to see who ends up with the most egg on their face.
With the rash of bad economic news increasing weekly, including the recent bankruptcy of Daylight Savings and Loan (see “Daylight Savings – Out of Time: Announces Bankruptcy Amid Scandal” http://digitalcasserole.blogspot.com/2009/03/daylight-savings-out-of-time-announces.html) a shell-shocked China has been hesitant to put all of its eggs in one basket, and has recently expressed interest in purchasing naming rights to future American sporting events including horse racing’s famous “Belmont Steaks” and football’s new “Wonton Super Bowl.”